ur pissing me off

 THE SUN IS SOOOOOO OUT!!!!! yesterday i went to the motherfucking BEEEACH today i sunmaxxed in the garden of eden. i spent like 2 solid hours there and i'm prob gonna be burnt as fuck but idc. so far it seems like a burn that won't last soooo i'll maybe get the tan of my dreams. now i'm just chillaxing hardcore. last week while i was sick i did so much and went to so many concerts n stuff so now i'm having some lazy as fuck chill days. i don't wanna like waste the time i have here but honestly i need the rest. cuz when i get back to sb i wanna do stuff every damn day. whether that's beach or hikes or going out and dancing or camping or just seeing all my motherfucking loved ones!!!!!!!!!!!!! i'm committed to this being the best summer ever in history. the evil dark depression of winter has my joy actually like supercharged. nothing can stop me life is beautiful. plus this weekend is gonna be busy asf so i'm happy to be chillin. i just watched a doc ...

i've been feeling invisible lately. it felt better when i was choosing that. i'm finally here and i'm as invisible as i've been the whole time. we're all trying our best. but i'm not going to accept it as truth that working this much isn't also a selfish act. even if there's no alternative. i feel like even the people who feel most in the room with me are so fucking far away. i can't stand the way it feels like constant small rejections when no one has the energy to spare to look at me. i understand it's for the greater good of your future but god fucking damn it i feel like i haven't looked into eyes that look back at me in a million years. and when i do see eyes seeing me it's almost like an angelically horrible sight. like i can't bear to feel like there is someone seeing me even when i'm begging to be seen. i'm so out of practice. i need practice in being received. anything that looks anything like love feels too heavy whe...

      okay so last night at the apes of the state show was my first real mosh pit. me n em moshed a tiny bit at riot fest last year but it was truly just barely and i was timid about it cuz i'd never even seen a mosh pit before and i didn't know how to interact with it. but ever since then i've been hardcore yearning for another chance to try it because it truly is the coolest thing ever. and last night my wish finally came true. the show was littlefoot then motherfuking sister wife sex strike then apes duh. i moshed the most for swss cuz i got excited then i started losing steam plus being sick was making it hard to catch my breath but oh my fucking god it was the best night ever.                                              me ->        <- em so i wanted to come here to share things i learned, felt, or noticed in my first...

 heyyyyy it's been a minute. i'm in summer break now LETS GOOOOOO but i literally got sick The day of my last final so that's kinda fucked up. my last final was exactly one week ago and i'm still not quite better yet but i'm getting there. i like completely lost my voice which was the annoying part cuz i've so been looking forward to having the free time to sing and play guitar. i've been doing it anyway thru the sick voice but it sounded fucking crazy. but anyway, i've had a suuuuper eventful week and i wanted to just catch you guys up on how my first week of summer has been!! FRIDAY 5/2/25 so after i finished my final i found two more four leaf clovers lucky lucky me! and then me n em went to see lucy freakin dacus in concert! we super spontaneously got tickets like the day before and the show was so beautiful. we were like. all the way in the back but that's sometimes so nice cuz it becomes more about the music than the artist so me n em got to da...

   ✧˖°.☘︎ ݁˖🎳🎱.☘︎ ݁˖₊˚⊹✧    today was the last meeting of a class i really liked a lot. i'm certainly feeling bittersweet. it was such a kind and funny and talented group of mostly queer girls which is like. literally the best possible case scenario. i'm feeling bittersweet since it's ending and also since i feel like this winter took away from my ability to appreaciate what i had while i had it. i don't want to focus on retrospect though. i'm just fully committing to not letting the winter get to me like that next year.      one of my friends ordered a bulk pack of bald caps so we could weird out our prof for final critiques. i felt fierce af in mine. it was so awesome to have a fun little thing like that for the last day. luckily i'm gonna be in classes with a lot of the same ppl next year and i'm rlly excited abt that. but damn. i wish the seniors weren't going. another downside of being a transfer is having ppl graduate one millisecond after me...

  as much as i enjoy the train i wish i could slam on the gas and scream until my throat bleeds rn!!