things i learned in the mosh pit

     okay so last night at the apes of the state show was my first real mosh pit. me n em moshed a tiny bit at riot fest last year but it was truly just barely and i was timid about it cuz i'd never even seen a mosh pit before and i didn't know how to interact with it. but ever since then i've been hardcore yearning for another chance to try it because it truly is the coolest thing ever. and last night my wish finally came true. the show was littlefoot then motherfuking sister wife sex strike then apes duh. i moshed the most for swss cuz i got excited then i started losing steam plus being sick was making it hard to catch my breath but oh my fucking god it was the best night ever.

                                             me ->       <- em

so i wanted to come here to share things i learned, felt, or noticed in my first mosh pit:

1. it feels like being in the ocean. the more you surrender control and flow with the current the more peaceful it is. 

2. i am always chronically understimulated and i think being in the mosh was the first time i've ever achieved the right level of stimulation that i'm always looking for. 

3. today even where i don't have bruises, my whole arm feels bruised to the touch and it makes me feel so alive. my skin isn't boring it's feeling things. 

4. when you're in scary straight environments, alcohol is an essential part of being able to dance, but in the mosh i instantly sweat all the beer out of me and felt none of the buzz but only the belly ache. so sober moshing is lowkey ideal cuz the adrenaline is a better buzz anyway. 

5. you don't have to be afraid of anyone trying to hurt people, cuz in order to engage with the mosh you have to be someone who is equally or more willing to be shoved than to shove. 

6. at one point i fell and had two other people fall on top of me (em was one of them hehe) and i never felt a second of fear. i knew someone would save me.

7. in an alienated world it feels so fucking good to be in a space where you have to completely accept a bunch of sweaty bodies all over you. it made me feel like we were one organism.

8. sisterwife sex strike talked about gaza and i got carried into the mosh current while the tears in my eyes blurred the stage lights.

9. i lost my jacket and at the end it was placed nicely at the edge of the stage to collect. i love community.

10. the group is always looking out for you, you're always safe.

11. during one of the first songs we moshed to i got sucked into the pit and spat out so hard that i fell onto the amp and was basically on stage. it felt like a dream. if you're willing to mosh you can get the best spots to watch the show. 

12. we were standing right next to the people who started the mosh pit and got to help start it. that felt so fucking awesome. i'm always saying i'm the yes guy. if someone starts a mosh i'll yes and that shit so hard.

13. emerson looks so beautiful when she gets whisked away from me in the pit and the light hits her face. 

14. mosh pits are made of love 

15. you don't have to be sexy to mosh. you just have to be brave, tough, and fucking pissed. you can also be sexy tho. 

before the show me n em talked politics and i said i basically believe that there's no way in our lifetime or maybe any lifetime that things get better. i think they get worse until we push ourselves to extinction. but in that room screaming songs about believing in change and building a better world i felt my hope come back. hope is hard but in the mosh pit hope is easy.