sunday funday

i've been feeling invisible lately. it felt better when i was choosing that. i'm finally here and i'm as invisible as i've been the whole time. we're all trying our best. but i'm not going to accept it as truth that working this much isn't also a selfish act. even if there's no alternative. i feel like even the people who feel most in the room with me are so fucking far away. i can't stand the way it feels like constant small rejections when no one has the energy to spare to look at me. i understand it's for the greater good of your future but god fucking damn it i feel like i haven't looked into eyes that look back at me in a million years. and when i do see eyes seeing me it's almost like an angelically horrible sight. like i can't bear to feel like there is someone seeing me even when i'm begging to be seen. i'm so out of practice. i need practice in being received. anything that looks anything like love feels too heavy when the rest of it all is a vacuum. love and hate and tired and cool and all of it falls at the same speed despite it's fuckin density or whatever. i let my walls down and suddenly nothing i say makes any fuckin sense to anyone. it feels like we can only understand things we've heard before. i fear if there's one thing about me it's that i am well yes.  i've felt so alone for so long now.   i hope there's an other-end of this thing. i feel like i'm standing on the outside of everything and watching it. i can play cuz i can recreate anything i see, that's why i can paint. i've gotta just be going fucking crazy. or maybe i'm just high. everything around me is sick and crying out for help. i can hear an ache from every atom always. everything is sick and i can't do anything about it and time crawls slower slower towards nothing. i'm trying to feel the full weight of a minute so i don't wake up 40. i don't know what to do with this horrible rotting core. when i hold it in my hands i feel so heavy i could throw up a stone. i can't do it this way something has to change. i need to go home. something isn't right everywhere. i wish there was anyone around.


you don't read my blog

you don't look at me when i sing

you don't hear the joke i made for you

i didn't learn it i made it up and i guess you heard a better one

so whatever fuck you

read it and weep

bitch

that's the point of art right?

to make that stupid fucking bitch weep

i've always thought so

apparently




LIKE AND COMMENT IF YOU #LOVE MY #BLOG !!!!! #LIVELAUGHLOVE #SUNDAYFUNDAY 

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